


Consequences of Conscience

by fortheloveofb



Series: Harry Potter: Behind the Scenes [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anger, Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Complete, Could have happened, Frank and Alice Longbottom, Gen, Guilt, Guilty Conscience, Hospital Visit, I don't really know what to tag, Neville is upset, Off screen, One Shot, Survivor Guilt, canonical, false Herbology theory, he's pissed, his teacher tortured his parents into insanity, kind of, mentions of Augusta Longbottom, with tweaks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 02:10:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3272930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortheloveofb/pseuds/fortheloveofb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neville just found out that his teacher who personally helped him muddle through his fourth year of Hogwarts was actually one of the tormentors who tortured his parents into insanity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Consequences of Conscience

"So, you're telling me that Professor Moody--who has been teaching us all year and cast an Unforgivable on each of us legally--is actually Barty Crouch Jr? I thought he was dead!" Ginny exclaimed, astonished.

" _Was_ Barty Crouch Jr," Ron whispered conspiratorially, "Hardly a life worth living after having the kiss. I reckon they ministry won't pay to keep Crouch's Death Eater son in a permanent St. Mungo's ward," he said disgusted, "They're hardly going to believe Harry now with the main witness being a soulless husk! He told us Fudge is blowing it all off, acting like its some huge delusion he had! But he can't explain Diggory's death, can he?"

"Anyway, apparently after he was put in Azkaban his mother--who was already dying--begged her husband to get her son out of there, so he had them both use Polyjuice during a visit to his cell. She died within the hour and since the Polyjuice was still in effect her body stayed in his form. All the dementors saw was a healthy human and a dying human coming in, and a healthy human and a dying human coming out. They couldn't tell the difference." Hermione explained.

"Yeah, his father has been keeping him under the Imperious curse for _years_! He--"

At this point Neville began tuning his gossiping friends out. Since Harry was still in the hospital wing and with Cedric dead there were many nasty rumors floating about. Ron and Hermione were telling them what they had gathered from Harry so far. He wasn't ready to talk about the graveyard--understandable Neville thought--so they were getting the scoop about Moody and his impostor.

The worst of everything was thinking of Professor Moody--who wasn't even professor Moody! He was Barty Crouch Jr! One of the men who tortured his parents to insanity! He can't believe he's been in such close proximity to his parents tormentor's all year. All year. And the worst thing for Neville was that he _l_ _iked_  Professor Moody, or who he thought was Professor Moody. He finally didn't feel quite so useless. Oh, he was still pants at everything besides herbology... but he was starting to get better at the theory side of everything, if not the practical. Even potions theory by relating it back to the ingredients he used in herbology, which had been _Crouch's_  advice.

He looked down at his father's wand in self loathing. He had liked this man. Moody-- _Crouch_ \--had pulled him aside for tea after the Unforgivable lesson and calmed him down. Discussed his favorite subject with him! They had even had a debate on the newest theory on the uses of willow ash in fertilizer and whether or not it increased the magical sensitivity of other magical plants! He had given him a book for Merlin's sake! A book that Neville had treasured. He reveled in the fact that famous auror _Alastor Moody_  had taken the time to talk to him and give him a book. He had gained confidence from the man who tortured his parents! They would be disgusted with him!

Had Crouch gotten off on this?! He even spoke of his parents personally, of their dueling techniques. That sick freak. Neville wondered if he dueled them the day he ruined their lives, if he had that conversation with Neville based on that experience? Neville can just imagine how gleeful and gloating Crouch was on the inside. Seeing his reactions to the discussions of his parents. Seeing how this one thing he did affected Neville's life in such a huge, terrible way.

Neville hates it. He hates it so much. He can't believe that he was so close, he could have gotten revenge! Instead he what--had gleaned comfort and advice from him? Pathetic! His grip on his father's wand tightened in rage and shame.

"--ville? Neville are you alright?" Neville looked up to see Ginny, Ron and Hermione looking at him in concern. The grip on his wand slackened. His friends still didn't know about his parents. He wasn't ashamed, but he didn't want their pity. Or for them to know he couldn't live up to his parents' names--or his grandmother's standards.

"I'm decent I guess," he said looking sullen, "I was just thinking about how unfair all of this is. To Harry. To Cedric and his family," he lied effortlessly. "I'm going for a walk--yeah? I'll be back before curfew."

His friends agreed warily, still looking concerned. "Alright Neville, just be careful okay?" Hermione warned with a crinkle in her brow.

Neville smiled tiredly, "I will, thanks 'Mione."

Hermione nodded and the three huddled back up to continue their discussion as Neville strode towards the portrait hole. Once he got to the hallway he allowed his feet to guide him as he immersed himself in his thoughts. He wasn't sure how to feel in all this. In all honesty he had felt survivors guilt ever since he was old enough to understand what happened. Why did he come out that night while both of his parents are now stuck in the Janus Thickey Ward in St. Mungos for the rest of their lives? Why would those Death Eaters think his parents would know the whereabouts of You-Know-Who? He frequently pondered just what happened to his parents. Did they only use the Cruciatus? How long did they hold out against four Death Eater's on their own? He had seen real respect in Crouch's eyes so they must have put up a good fight being as outnumbered as they were. Where was he at the time? Asleep? Was he there at the scene? Had they been so concerned with protecting him that they didn't properly protect themselves? How long were they held under the curse for it to actually drive them insane? Did one Death Eater do it or did they take turns? Just how much did they suffer--possibly because of him? These questions constantly battered his conscience, but were particularly painful to contemplate after this newest revelation. He knows that obsessing over such things is unhealthy and is probably at least partly to blame for his later than usual accidental magic and low self esteem, but he feels he deserves it for surviving. If he weren't so terrified to speak plainly with his grandmother he would ask to speak to a mind healer, but he doubts she would say yes even if he confided in her.

These thoughts flew around and around his head and when he came back to himself he wasn't too surprised to find himself in the hallway leading up to the Hospital Wing. He approached the open doors wondering if his soulless body was being held here temporarily... As he walked in he looked around and saw only two beds with screens drawn and Madame Pomfrey was no where to be seen, though he could see a light under her office door. He knew Harry was in the bed on the right, Harry had dubbed it 'his' after the no bones fiasco in second year so he could only assume the target of his ire was in the opposite bed.

As he crept over and pulled back the screen he shivered at the open, empty eyes that were facing him. He slipped in and righted the screen. As he observed Crouch he wasn't sure how he felt. He was angry, so angry, and sad, desperate for closure, and disgusted that Crouch didn't have to own up to both his old and newer crimes just because of their cowardly minister. Neville cast a silencing charm, one of the few charms he was proficient at, and drew back his arm. He punched Crouch as hard as he could and heard a huge CRACK. He yelped and jumped back cradling his hand--they don't tell you how much it hurts to properly punch someone. He looked down at Crouch and was satisfied to see the large bruise blooming across his cheek. It was worth breaking a knuckle and possibly dislocating a finger.

"That was for my parents you bastard!" He snarled with a furious expression on his face; this being possibly the only way to get some minor payback on one of the people who tortured them, even if he is already souless. The other three were in Azkaban--as they should and hopefully always would be. He hastened back out with one last loathing (though wasted) glare.

As he started heading back to the common room Madame Pomfrey exited her office. "Mr. Longbottom! What brings you here this evening? Mr. Potter is not up for visitors quite yet," Madame Pomfrey said.

"O-Oh, no madame," he stammered with a reddening face, "A-Actually, I had--erm--punched a... wall and might have fractured a knuckle or two. Maybe dislocated a finger as well," He looked down sheepishly, hoping he wouldn't be caught, "C-Could you maybe look at it?"

"Of course," She said brusquely, "Sit down, sit down Mr. Longbottom. Quite unusual for you to punch a wall, yes? What happened to upset you in such a way?"

Neville contemplated his answer whilst the healer swished her wand over his injured hand, "W-Well madame. I was very upset when I found out about Professor Moody being impersonated by--by _Crouch_ ," He spat vehemently, "He-He.. my-my parents--"

"Yes Mr. Longbottom," Madame Pomfrey said sympathetically, "Your parents were good people. I can imagine that news would be difficult," She glanced over toward Crouch's bed, "There, all fixed Longbottom. If there is any lingering soreness come see me tomorrow."

"Of course Madame. Thank you." Neville scrambled out of the hospital wing like a hippogriff was on his heels. Glad that he had made it out without being caught, he hastened back to his--thankfully empty--dormitory. Neville sighed and brought out the book _Magical Mediterranean Water Plants and their Properties_ , the one Crouch gave him. He came to a quick decision and with a muttered ' _incendio_ ' turned it to ash. He was the heir to the Longbottom fortune, he can afford to buy this book without help from a Death Eater torturing bastard.He resolved to really focus on Defense Against the Dark Arts during the next year, hopefully they will have a good teacher. One who is competent and not a Death Eater so they can be prepared for whats coming.

Apparently punching one of the people who made his parents lives hell and setting fire to a gift from him is fairly decent therapy. Neville lays down on his bed and brings out an ever present gum wrapper from his robe pocket and looks forward to the summer so he can tell his parents about his year; maybe they will forgive him. He hopes they know he would have done more if he could. He wouldn't be caught off guard like this again...

**Author's Note:**

> I know there is now canonical information on how the Longbottoms were tortured, but for the sake of this one shot lets pretend there isn't ;)
> 
> I know this isn't the best thing ever, but its pretty hastily written. Plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone, so here it is!
> 
> I didn't quite know how to end it. If you have a suggestion, let me know. It's just a one shot anyway. :p


End file.
